Oh Blank

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Craig: I'm Craig Stubing and this is Thicker Than Water. In our first episode, my Aunt Laura was waiting to get the test results of blood work that would determine whether she had type 1 or type 2 diabetes. She gave me a call after she heard back from her doctor.

Your doctor calls you yesterday. What does your doctor say?

Laura: I've been waiting for this lab and it didn't come in Friday. I did talk to the doctor on Friday and I thought to myself all weekend, "It's going to come Monday and it's not going to be good. You have that little hope that maybe it was type 2 and it's not. It was a beautiful day after we had snow all weekend. The sun was shining and I thought, "Oh, this is going to be the day." I don't know. For some reason, I thought this is going to be the day.

My doctor traditionally calls me at the end of his day, which is around 4:00 or 4:30. The phone rang at 4:10. I knew it would be him and it was. I said, "Oh, is it type 2?" He's like, "No, no, no, you're type 1." I said to him, "I need just a minute to absorb it," because I wanted to be clear in my thought and listening. I said, "Give me a second." He did and then I said, "Okay. What do we have to do?"

He told me, "I'm not going to give you the bolus for meals. We're just going to do this until I want you to call my office Friday morning." I thought, "Okay. Step one, I can deal with this." That's where I am right now. I'm just going to do the once-a-night chat. I'm going to test. He doesn't even want me to test with every meal. He just wants me to test morning and then select either lunch, dinner or bedtime as my second reading for the day. I'm assuming he doesn't want me to freak out.

He did tell me not to worry about going too low. I'm more worried about being too low than I am about the highs because the highs, I've been with highs. Now, I'm getting insulin, so that can be taken care of. My prior knowledge is a blessing and a curse [chuckles] because when I went to the nurse, I pretty much have a handle on how to count my carbs. I understand how to eat healthy. My mindset, I think it's good, but it's bad in that I know I got to get a handle on this because there are some risks associated with diabetes.

I'm going to have to make sure I get within my blood sugar's so that my eyesight stays okay, that I don't have problems with my feet and nerves, that I don't have up and down, highs and lows, that I need to be consistent. It's a little bit scary, but then I also know there's so many people like you who live fine lives. You're okay. You can do anything you want to do. That makes me know that it's possible. It's not this big ominous thing that it's going to be a nightmare for the rest of my life. It's not.

Craig: It's funny like you were saying right after you told me it was type 1, you texted me. It was immediately like I have questions about traveling. What can I do with a pump? What kind of a load of supplies should I have? You know all of these. You know enough of these things to know what to ask without necessarily knowing exactly how all the pieces fit together, I guess.

Laura: Right. I haven't had to live it, but I really feel like I understand it. I feel like I've understood you all these years. I understand what you have and what you have to do every day. It just--

Craig: Well, that's the hardest part, right?

Laura: One and two, it's different.

Craig: Understanding it like knowing how to put a pump on and enter the amount of carbs is one kind of understanding, but maybe not the most important measure of your handle on type 1. Understanding the disease, understanding how you fit into it is the thing that everyone tries to figure out, that balance, like the people who travel or the people who run. The other part, the technical stuff, that's easy. I think the issue with you will be, and I think it's similar because you're very similar to my mom and me, is that we're all perfectionists.

That kind of like, "Is this soup 14 grams of carbs or is it 13 grams of carbs," kind of mentality. I think you will learn over time that one gram of carb doesn't make a difference. Two, there're so many other factors affecting your blood sugar that the grams of carbs are just like one tiny, little piece of this very big puzzle. Even if you get that perfectly right, all the other pieces might be a little bit wrong. It seems so much simpler when I was diagnosed and you showed up at the hospital with that basket of sugar-free snacks.

Laura: Because I didn't want you to think you couldn't have stuff. [laughs]

Craig: When you were in limbo, you were preparing yourself to be type 1. How did you preparing mentally for that and then the doctor saying you have type 1?

Laura: Because there's always that little percentage chance, you in your mind hold on to that little sliver.

Craig: It's like when you buy a lotto ticket, you know you're not going to win. When they start pulling those numbers, you think this could be it.

Laura: Right. That's a good way to say it. It's just this little sliver of maybe it's okay. Maybe it is type 2 and he's just doing his due diligence as he should because you've told me and I know from also some of my reading that so many adults are misdiagnosed as type 2. A couple of years can go by. On the one side, as much as I hated to hear it, I'd rather have heard it now than two years from now to learn that it was misdiagnosed. Because the earlier I can get a grasp on it, the better off I am.

Craig: When you said, "I need a few minutes," what were those first thoughts?

Laura: I think my first thought was, oh, blank.

[laughter]

Laura: Then it was like, "Okay. I can do this," and you'll laugh later. Maybe this is what went through my head. Remember your grandpa, okay? He would have said, "Damn it to hell." That's probably how I thought, this, "Damn it to hell," and then it was like, "Okay. It's official. I know it. Move on." It doesn't mean I'm not going to have periods like even now where I get a little overwhelmed, but it's better knowing than not knowing.

In the realm of the world, if you put up going to the doctor because you fear something and it is something, you're making it worse. I'm glad I went to the doctor as soon as I did, as soon as I felt the symptoms so I could get a handle on what it is. I'm hoping because you've told me this that once I get it under control, I'm going to feel so much better health-wise. I don't realize, I was telling my husband, I think a lot of it is like the first time if you have to wear glasses. The first time you go to the doctor and you get the new glasses, I'm like, "Whoa, the world looks a lot different."

Craig: You don't realize how blurry everything was?

Laura: Right. Maybe I haven't felt extremely tired or real, real sluggish, but maybe I didn't realize I was. Do you know what I mean?

Craig: Because it came on so gradually. You took your very first shot of insulin last night?

Laura: Yes.

Craig: What was that like?

Laura: Well, since I have been testing and I've gotten over that feeling, I just was telling myself, "It's just going to be like that. If I feel anything, it'll be like that." My husband was kind enough to go with me, he's so supportive, to see the nurse. I had him learn as well how to do the shot. I said to him, "I really need you to just be with me to walk through it." I walked through it getting the prep and then I had to take a couple of deep breaths because I knew this was the start [laughs] of a different life.

Well, you know, it is. I gave myself the shot and it wasn't bad. I didn't feel it. Luckily, nowadays, the needles are so fine. I just want to make sure I administered it right and I think I did. I think I had to learn how to go in and out straight. It might have came out a little crooked, [laughs] but there was no real pain. It was more of the concern of holding it down, getting all the insulin out, and then counting to 10 and I did it.

Craig: It's more mental, the shot, than it actually is painful.

Laura: Correct. Once I did it, I thought, "Okay. This is okay. I can deal with this." As soon as I'm able, I'm probably going to want to pump so that I'm not doing that as much. I think I have to just look at it as goals of getting a handle on the blood sugar and my daily rhythm, getting a handle on what I eat, how much I eat and its relationship to the insulin, and then moving on to where I'm using more technology, maybe being able to get the monitors so I don't have to prick my finger so much.

Craig: I think that makes a bigger difference than the pump in terms of management.

Laura: I think it does too.

Craig: When you see your endocrinologist and ask about getting a--

Laura: Well, I'm asking about that and I'm asking about the pump. What do I have to do to get to the pump? I have to try to get into an endocrinologist. That's the other crazy part of healthcare, is they're not sure when I can get in. When I hang up with you, I've got three selected that I've got to start with and I'm going to start calling to see who I can get in to the fastest because this is crazy.

Craig: That's, I guess, kind of where you're at now.

Laura: My next steps are, start the regimen of insulin nightly and at meals, figure out my diet, get an endocrinologist, and then we're supposed to go on a trip in three weeks, am I up to taking the trip or not, and things to deal with communicating about the diabetes. I know I can get a medical bracelet. I can get a tattoo like you have.

[laughter]

Craig: I'd say go for the tattoo.

Laura: Never thought I'd get a tattoo at 60. Well, I think I'm going to get the tattoo because it's the easiest way to communicate.

Craig: How about when you go to Arizona in three weeks, I come out and we get tattoos?

Laura: You're funny.

Craig: [laughs]

Laura: I was going to tell you if I go, Uncle Kent and I talked about if you were able to take a few days to come. If we go, it would probably help me a lot if you did. We would probably help you get there if you would.

Craig: Yes, I'll come.

Laura: Let me get through the next two weeks I think I have to do and then I'll feel better.

Craig: On the next episode of Thicker Than Water, Aunt Laura starts her different life.

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Craig: Thicker Than Water is a production of Beta Cell and is produced by me, Craig Stubing. A very special thanks to my Aunt Laura for continuing to let me record our conversations. This amazing cover of Lean On Me is by the incredibly talented Nina Ragonese. If you haven't yet, subscribe to Beta Cell wherever you listen to podcasts to get all our shows downloaded on to your listening device as soon as they're available. If you love Thicker Than Water or any of the Beta Cell shows, you can support us on Patreon. There, you can get bonus clips as well as our brand new, support-only show Out Of Range After Dark.

I'm Craig Stubing and this is Thicker Than Water.

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